


keeping the stars apart.

by serenitysea



Series: i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart). [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Questionable Motives, Stream of Consciousness, brief mention of Loki because he wrote the book on questionable motives, this is not a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 21:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1526009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenitysea/pseuds/serenitysea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye is a variable. </p><p>*</p><p>She is the only truth that enables you to speak without a shred of deception against a lie detector built by Fury himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keeping the stars apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as a companion to 'the root (of the root).' Consider this Ward's side of the story. Set post 1.19. 
> 
> Title still belonging to ee cummings 'I carry your heart.'
> 
> Open ending because, well. No one really knows what's going on with Ward these days, do they?

**keeping the stars apart.**

* 

Skye is a variable. 

Skye is the wild card, the sacrifice play, the hail mary pass that no one ever thinks will make it. 

Skye is not part of the mission.

She's _outside_ of the mission. Because she was never included within the original mission parameters. 

You tell yourself that's why she got so far under your skin; why she nimbly evaded every last bit of compartmentalizing you could spare. Why she wormed her way into your system like a virus (the irony does not escape you) and refused to be rooted out. 

Why you're considering breaking every protocol you know just to spend time with her. (Including the kind from Garrett you know will hurt that much more in the long run.) 

Why she is the only truth that enables you to speak without a shred of deception against a lie detector built by Fury himself. 

* 

Skye is also exceedingly difficult to read when she wants to be. 

For all of her open emotion and unrestrained delight, there is a part of her she keeps private. 

(For example: She doesn't have a last name. Who on the planet doesn't have a last name? Even psychopaths who try to take over the world and get them to kneel at his feet _have a last name._ )

You'll catch a glimpse of it on the rare occasion when you venture down to the gym and find her whaling on the punching bag. She won't have bothered with the gloves so there is blood escaping the wraps around her knuckles. 

You can't exactly fault her for it because when things in your life don't make sense, you do the same thing. Not always the punching bag (it hits a little too closely to home) but maybe an impossible series of reps with weights or punishingly long miles on the treadmill. Anything to drown out the secrets that are weighing down on your chest like an elephant flattening out your lungs. 

Because you are her SO, you'll chide her for not using protective gear and clean up her hands before they can scab over and heal improperly. From there, you'll escort her to the lab where Simmons will apply topical gel and bandages, along with a disapproving look that is aimed at you both. You'll let her beat you mercilessly in Battleship, just to see her smile -- because you know it'll take her mind off the things that sent her downstairs that morning well before training.

It doesn't last. She still creeps down there, and has gotten smart enough to vary her times ( _hackers keep all odd hours_ , she'd once reminded you) to prevent any interruptions. 

It is a temporary respite. 

But you like feeling useful, and she does not fight you on it (for once). 

Small victories are all you seem to be able to afford these days. 

* 

Late one night when you're headed back to your bunk, you see Skye and Coulson chatting by the bar. You slow your steps and soften the tread so that they cannot hear when you pause beyond the corner in an attempt to discern what they are talking about.

It turns out the conversation is finished and they do not continue it. Skye careens into you as she whips around the corner and flails wildly, trying to regain her footing. Your hands automatically land on either side of her hips (much the way they do while in training) and hold steady. It a natural move and you shift away fluidly before it can get awkward. She apologizes and carries on further down the hall until she hits her bunk, sealing the door behind her. 

You frown and wonder what on earth she and Coulson could be discussing this late at night -- and what sent her running for privacy. 

*

Garrett gives you 24 hours and you feel like a dead man walking. 

In Garrett's world, 24 hours is something of a gift and you don't intend to squander it. 

*

"I am not a good man, Skye." 

The conviction shining through her eyes and voice is almost tangible. "Yes, you _are_." 

You wonder what it will take to make her give up on you. 

You wonder if you have what it takes to find out. 

(Or if you're unselfish enough to give her the choice in the first place.)

*

Turns out that if you race against the sun, you can make 24 hours stretch farther along than most people think is possible. 

You can fly the Bus in May's absence because you've done it before. Also, because flying somehow always came easily to you and this is not that different, just on a larger scale with a far bigger center of gravity. 

(Skye doesn't come easy to you. She is no fighter jet that can be easily controlled and weaponized for defense. 

She is an all-stealth mode Helicarrier, with motives and actions secreted away by Fury himself. Nothing is clear with her and there isn't a single thing that makes sense.) 

*

You look at her and she looks back and you can't help but wonder: _Which one of you is lying_? 

Because even your most cunning lies have threads of truth woven through them. You taught Skye that. 

(Right along with how to successfully dodge a punch, what kinds of chemicals can be mixed together to create a makeshift bomb and get you out of a locked room -- turns out she already knew how to pick a lock -- how to evade capture, and when it seems inevitable -- how to turn the situation around to your advantage.) 

But Skye is a variable. 

And she has always been near impossible to read. 

_For the team_ , you tell her. She looks away and nods once, threading her fingers through yours on the yoke. The Bus holds steady (Skye knows enough about the cockpit from May not to disturb flight patterns) and her hand is warm. She squeezes your hand tightly and stares out the window. 

*

 _Skye is the hail mary pass that no one ever thinks will make it._

* 

You never taught her that. 

You didn't have to.

**Author's Note:**

> AUGH the feels. I love them so much but they are SO DOOMED.


End file.
